if you’re going to leave, that’s fine.
and I know you promised you wouldn’t
seven months ago while I was crying
into your neck but I also know that
sometimes it rains even when it’s not
supposed to and sometimes boys
kiss girls they shouldn’t and we tear
flowers out of the ground just to watch
them die and things change,
so I understand if you’re done,
but please, when you’re packing all your
old sweaters and books, don’t forget
to take all your three AM phone calls,
and photographs where we’re smiling
so wide it looks like we’ve never known
that feeling in the pit of your stomach
when someone screams “I don’t love you
Take back every kiss, every night you
fell asleep next to me, every poem I
wrote you, every song you sang to
me, every “I love you more fight,”
every shock I felt in my skin when
you brushed against me.
I was never scared of ghosts until you
left but now I see you everywhere and
god if you’re going to kill me please
just do it quickly because I see you
in everything and it’s making it hard
ladies, watch this video its only like 3 minutes long but i feel like a changed person.
1. Letting themselves get out of shape.
If you’ve ever watched The Biggest Loser and questioned the contestants desire, based on their struggles — you’ve never been out of shape. You’ll find that the rumors are true, and your metabolism moves slower than a snail at the DMV as you get older. If you continue washing down brownies with Mountain Dew and discounting the value of working out, you will pay. I assure you that once you’ve officially gotten out of shape, it’s so much harder to get fit. The mere sight of a treadmill will make you want to run anywhere but on it.
2. Spending substantial amounts of money on farfetched concepts.
Buying several lottery tickets, playing the slot machines and joining pyramid schemes are all poor decisions, with slim chances of making profit. (Heads Up: 99% of well-dressed individuals who approach you with a business proposal/job opportunity just want you to help them build an unprofitable pyramid.)
3. Staying involved in destructive relationships.
In middle school and high school, everyone dated everyone — but your 20s should see stricter standards and principles enforced. There’s no sense in being with someone whom you can’t picture yourself happily with in the foreseeable future. Don’t get me wrong, fixing damaged relationships is great; but trying to glue back a thousand broken pieces while getting cut in the process is unhealthy.
4. Cohabitating with a lover whom you’re not married to.
Often couples convince themselves that moving in together is a splendid idea, when that’s not always the case. Sure, some live happily together, but it’s not for everyone. Be certain that you’re not rushing into things. It’s not as simple as sharing a shower, owning his and hers robes, and having sex frequently. Many characteristics are revealed, and obnoxious habits are exposed. Living with a significant other too early can be detrimental to the entire relationship.
5. Accepting and embracing drama.
When you graduate high school, the cattiness and immaturity proceed to follow some. We have to refuse to be a part of any high school level shenanigans. Hearsay, gossip, he-said-she-said — all those bastards got a diploma and followed some miserable souls well into their 20s. It’s a matter of rejecting the slightest hint of drama, and wisely refusing to speak, act, or feel anything based off of it.
6. Settling for a subpar job that makes you miserable.
Hard work and dedication, no matter who the employer, are admirable traits. If you find yourself performing unhappily at a place, be certain that you’re just doing so as a means to get by until you can pursue your personal goals. Every opportunity to take a shot at your dream career should be greeted passionately by you. Too often people forget that the 20s are an ideal decade for trial and error. Test things out, then fail or succeed.
7. Putting excessive amounts of value in attention received on social networks.
Gauging your popularity and significance by the amount of likes your Facebook statuses got. Feeling physically unappealing because your Instagram photo — which you spent an absurd amount of time selecting an effect for — didn’t get a satisfying amount of compliments and responses.
8. Being a pushover.
Little things like accepting the wrong drink at Starbucks, or pretending not to notice someone cutting you in line aren’t crucial. The issue is the snowball effect that follows. People see that you’ll give an inch, so they’ll greedily take a mile. In today’s world, it’s hard to be nice without somebody trying to take advantage of your kindness. Establish firm limitations that people know better than to cross. It might take temporary sternness, but in the long run it’ll pay off.
9. Taking pride in being widely considered a b-tch or a d-ck.
Why being loathed (for good reason) has become a fad is beyond me, but it’s definitely a thing. It’s fantastic to be who you are, but to consciously treat people sh-tty and then brag about having “haters” is just dumb. Nobody is invincible — so continuously pouring gasoline, lighting matches and burning bridges will come back to haunt anyone eventually.
10. Being self-destructive.
Continuing personally damaging conduct, with no intentions of stopping can have a lasting effect on your 20s. Getting arrested, pissing off friends, being irresponsible with finances — these are just a few of the seemingly infinite ways to ruin one’s self.
11. Passing on spontaneous adventures and the opportunity to experience new things.
If friends are taking an impromptu trip to a nearby city, pack a small bag and roll with. These little things are what make the decade. Beyond the inside jokes and perspective on classic stories that you’ll miss out on, you’ll lack good times. If serious responsibility isn’t withholding your presence, then nothing else should be. Attend gatherings, give unfamiliarity a chance and build a résumé of awesome memories.
12. Remaining bitter.
If you’re still angry with the ex from over five years ago, or badmouthing the company that didn’t hire you — do yourself and those around you a favor by stopping. The anger is unhealthy to hold on to, plus it makes you a misery to be around. Bitter passes are typically handed out to the freshly dumped, or recently rejected — but in time you must forgive or forget. Whichever you choose; be firm on it.
13. Making yourself difficult to love.
By being shutdown and over-complicated, you create a seemingly impenetrable shirt, doused in cupid repellant. We all struggle in our own unique, disastrous ways — the key is to fix them. Making yourself available, approachable and open/honest will work wonders for your love life.
14. Being a pessimistic, opinionated hater.
Yeah, that’s something we all want to be around in our spare time. Every movie out isn’t terrible, every song isn’t garbage. This personality type is in for a reality check when eventually nobody wants anything to do with ‘em.
15. Spending large chunks of time dreaming about a utopic, perfect world in which everything is just peachy.
Having high hopes and aspirations for the future is a great thing, it’s just important to draw the line of frequency somewhere. Picturing a fantasy land in which you own nice things, are surrounded by beautiful people and have Uncle Scrooge sized piles of money isn’t going to bring those things to fruition. The dreaming is the easy part, it’s the living that requires some heavy lifting and effort.
1. Go to a party and stay sober. Listen to the way your drunk classmates talk when they don’t plan to remember tonight when they wake up. Never talk about these experiences, just keep them for yourself.
2. Start driving in one direction on the highway after school one day, pretending like you’re running away. Blast bad pop music and sing along. Stop in the suburbs when your mom calls you to come home, but buy your little brother a cupcake before you turn back around.
3. Kiss your best friend. It doesn’t matter what sexuality or gender you are or they are. It doesn’t matter if it’s a peck or you escalate to tongue. You’ll laugh about it later, but it will always make you smile just for the memory.
4. Smoke a cigarette. Let it burn your throat. Cough, loudly.
5. Take a stand for something you believe in. When half your school laughs at you, take it with pride. Someone agrees, even if they’re too scared to say so.
6. Make enemies. Make the kind of mistakes that cause your life to implode. Lose everyone and everything to these mistakes. Only when you fall will you find out that you can pick yourself back up.
7. Sit on someone’s roof and talk for hours. Forget about dinner and tell your origin stories. Let your guard down while the dog barks below. Talk about god. Listen.
8. Steal Bourbon from your parents’ liquor cabinet and put it in a water bottle beneath your bathroom sink. Spike your tea with it when you think you’ve hit rock bottom. Pour the whole thing down the drain when it’s too strong for you.
9. Become a stereotype. Buy a record player and combat boots. Wear all black. Dye your hair bright blue and get your ear pierced three times. Don’t care when people laugh at you.
10. Make wishes at 11:11. Wear your pajamas backwards in the hopes of a snow day. Look for answers at the bottom of a bottle. Pretend writing things on your arms makes you special. Believe in anything. Believe in everything. Open every book and look around every corner. You’ll never look like this or move like this or think like this again. Enjoy it while it lasts or hate every second. But feel. Feel every damn thing.
Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.
Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here.
Every morning we get a chance to be different. A chance to change. A chance to be better. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Get on with the future part.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.
The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.
The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”
The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love.